Five questions parents typically ask in divorce

#1 – How will I survive not seeing my kids every day?

Yes, this is a tough transition but one that needs to happen now that you and your spouse have decided to end your union. Keeping the children’s best interests in mind, mediators work with you to develop an age-appropriate parenting plan that will keep you active in the lives of your child but not active in the life of the other parent. And, keep in mind, the divorce is between the two adults…not between the children and either of the parents.

#2 – How do we work out a schedule for the children in two houses?

Some of the important things to look at include the age of your child, your work schedules, do you travel, and geographical distance between the two houses relative to the location of the child’s school.  The important thing is the child get to see each of you regularly and predictably, without interference from either parent.  It is the parents’ responsibility to” facilitate” (not impede) the children seeing the other parent consistently, predictably and safely!  Several types of parenting plans (i.e. physical custody)are  available and designed to be age-appropriate yet flexible enough to meet the needs of the individual family.  Private and court-appointed mediators are available to help parents design effective plans.  And, be prepared to change the plan as the children get older – their needs change and the plan should too!

#3 – What to do when Mom and Dad can’t stand the sight of each other?

This is certainly understandable in divorce…you’ve decided to end your relationship…the last thing you want to do is see each other! AND, the last thing your kids want to see is the two of still fighting even though you’ve ended the marriage…the stress is too much for them, not to mention both of you.  Through structured parenting plans, transitions through the children attending school is best for the children while also minimizing the need for Mom and Dad to see each other.  We can also help you identify “neutral” exchanges when transitions happen outside of school time.  This is MUCH better for the child and definitely much better for you!

#4 – What is co-parenting vs. parallel parenting?  Which is right for me?

Here are several key highlights to consider:

Parents communicate regularly.		Parents communicate over emergencies.
Parents can communicate in person or over the phone.		Parents use email, text messaging, or a third party (attorney, mediator or mutually agreed person).
Major decisions about the child are discussed jointly.		Major decisions are “communicated” rather than discussed.
Parents work together as needed to resolve issues related to the child.		Households are managed separately.  Each makes decisions about the child when s/he is in their household.
Parents work together in the best interest of the child.		Parents work separately for the best interests of the child.

 #5 – How do we tell the children?

A child’s age is another significant factor in how a child reacts to the changes that come with divorce. They ARE impacted differently at different age ranges.  Be aware of what is best to say…and NOT to say.

Still not sure? Get some professional guidance BEFORE you tell the children.   And, seriously consider providing the child or children with some short-term therapy/counseling so they have a “safe” place to talk about what is going on.  Talking to YOU is not necessarily safe!